That was not supposed to make any difference

Well that Friday after office, I went to her office to pick her up. My God she is looking gorgeous. I kind of started falling for her – fatal attraction! I cursed those photons reflecting from her body and striking on my retina causing a surge of drugs inside me. I thought – if I let me fall for her, I’d start behaving like all those 100’s of guys who’d be following her all the time. And once I fall into that category, the game is over! The best possible thing would happen, I’d become her best friend. I had to rearrange my acts.

I assumed that she’d be very protective putting a lot of walls of ego or for simple reason that she’s gorgeous. I decided I have to break at least one such wall today, only to realize later that there ain’t any wall and yet I had to resist that deadly attraction. My condition was like I am high on weed – one moment I put all my focus on something and things are totally in control; another moment I loose my focus and I am loosing all the control. She was much more challenging than women showing their ‘hard to get’ attitude in the worst way.

We had drink and food at Filling Station. And I went to drop her at her apartment and she invited me in. I normally don’t go to girls’ apartment. But this time I went in.

She got some Ramdev Baba drink – something like lauki ka juice, the secret ingredient of her awesome attracting trait, I guess – I hate that! And I did not know I started drinking the juice and the ‘let-me-know-you’ talk started. I repeated all my acts mentally and was all game for talk. I don’t lie ever! May be I just don’t tell the facts early.

10 minutes: I have given her lots of information about me. I repeated all my acts. I am not giving a single fact about me anymore.

30 Minutes: All my college days secrets are no more secrets with her. What’s happening to me? I repeated all my acts again. I pledged if I share another fact about me, I would leave.

40 Minutes: I actually decided to leave. If I see this woman again I’m going to fall for her – I hate that. I’d loose everything; I’ve lost almost everything already. Whatever acts are left I have to pull them together, leave now and never see her again. I got up to leave, but she did not let me. We kept talking.

50 Minutes: Somehow I came in total control mode and was very happy – I have awesome mental strength. But somewhere I hated myself for the person I was for last 40 minutes. She offered me some more Ramdev Baba drink; this time I politely declined for I was totally in control. I finally decided to leave and just shook hands even though she was kind of offering me a hug – who knows she might infect me again. She came down with me till the society gate. During this whole journey from her apartment to the society gate, I was congratulating myself for finally coming out clean and not falling for her.

Before I started my bike, she started going back towards the lift. I don’t know why but I was looking at her walking back. She turned back smiling and waving. That was not supposed to make any difference to me…but it did. Sh!t!

Becoming the guy women like to be with

Approaching women or even starting conversation with them could be tough thing to do for a normal nice guy. The reasons for this are lack of confidence with women and fear of rejection – she might not like me. What kind of guy women like to be with?

Here are few basic things to work on-
1. Get an I-NEVER-get-embarrassed attitude:
A very rare many of guys have this attitude naturally. However with some work any one can acquire this. To get this attitude you need to work on yourself. Once you get this attitude, it would give you ultimate powerful confidence and you’d never hesitate to approach any women, even attractive ones.

This could be backbone of your confidence. You should be the guy who never (literally) get embarrassed. Yes, especially in front of a woman. Personally I use humor as a tool to come out of any embarrassing situation. I have gone though the worst of embarrassing scenarios mentally and prepared a humorous response for each one of the scenarios. I have tested some of them in real scenarios – sometime intentionally creating such scenarios. You can try humor. There could be other ways to get this attitude. So find your way of getting this attitude.

2. Maintain hygiene:
This is something that most of the guys suck big time at. Women in general maintain good hygiene and for the obvious reason they like men who maintain hygiene. And moreover by maintaining good hygiene, you’d start feeling good about yourself, which in turn would boost your confidence.

3. Be a good dresser:
Even if you are a socially-bankrupt-bald-headed-beer-belly guy, if you are a good dresser you still have chance with ladies. Good dressing is powerful and gives a message that you are a high status guy. You remember “the complete man” Raymond ad. Yes, women like men who dress well; and for that matter everybody likes you if you have good dressing sense. Good dresses cost as much as bad ones – be wise.

4. Become ‘fun to be with’ guy:
Attractive women don’t want to be with just good looking guys, they want to be with a guy who is happening. Here I don’t suggest you to be comedian. Be someone that they can speculate and look forward to have fun with. Being nice predictable guys would not help. They have dozens of nice-predictable guys hitting on them all the time.

Personally, every time I approach a woman, I carry this “fun-to-be-with-guy” attitude. In reality, I have really awesome life and a woman would like to be with me, just because she would want to add more fun to it and to be a part of it. She’d not be with me because my life is boring and it would be interesting only if SHE brings fun to it – well, women do not do charity of this kind.

5. Have unshakable conviction for whatever you do:
If you are not proud of what you do, you are not proud of yourself and in turn, no one would be proud of you. Why an attractive woman would hang out with a guy who is not proud of what he does or is.

Conviction is powerful! Conviction for doing things; conviction for taking every step, it should be unshakable. And it’s cumulative, every new thing you would do, the chances are that you’d be even more convinced. Conviction gives a message that you don’t need any one’s approval. Isn’t it powerful? I personally believe that conviction is something that makes a man a real man. My unshakable conviction in everything I do is my shining armor!

******************************************************************************
Now you are a fun-to-be-with-guy with unshakable conviction, who maintains hygiene, dresses well and does not get embarrassed in any situation. Tell me, what kind of woman would not like to be with you!
******************************************************************************

PS:

Even getting PhD in these things would not guarantee you success with some women. Well, do not give up. There are other kind of interesting women out there waiting for a fun-to-be-with guy, don’t disappoint them!

Quantum Mechanics of Mind-Body

Heisenberg Uncertainty principle - The more precisely the position(x) of some particle is determined, the less precisely its momentum (p) can be known, and vice versa.

σ_xσ_{p ≥} ħ/2

Although this is a theory of Quantum Mechanics, it is true for our mind-body relation.

Body tends to be inertia all the time and mind is in motion all the time - wandering. Our body can be very fast for a very short time but can not sustain that for longer period where as our mind can be stopped from wandering for few seconds but can not be stopped for longer period.

When our body goes through an excessive strain, we come in a state where we loose our mind. And when we are highly focused we loose even sense of position or direction i.e. we loose our body.

If we assume body is position (x) and mind is momentum (p), Uncertainty principle holds good here too.

 

My name is Considerate Possibility!

If you were to be sent on a planet where- 1. there is no one to teach you how to lead a good life and 2. there are no books or movies. The condition is- you have to leave everything you have learnt so far here on earth and you can carry only two words with you. Which 2 words would you choose? I would choose ’Possibility’ & ‘Consideration’!

Yes, my favorite words are – ‘Possibility’ and ‘Consideration’. I find them very powerful! With these two words I can derive everything that would help me leading a good life, if not a very successful one.

‘Possibility’ would drive me to try every thing that I otherwise do here on earth and ‘Consideration’ would inspire me to think about others. And I think if we all do just this, we can lead a good life.

Sometime back, I was talking to my best buddy Vikram on phone and he started talks with “KK, I found my 2 favorite words” – ‘Choice’ and ‘The’. I was like “’Choice’ is awesome but how could possibly ‘The’ be one of your favorite words?”

He explained me the word ‘The’ putting a scene from movie 'Kung Fu Panda' where Tai Lung says to Panda – “How could you be dragon warrior? You are a big fat panda.” To this Panda says “I am not a big fat panda. I am ‘The‘ big fat Panda”.

I wonder how powerful these words could be together – ‘The Choice’.

I think of a scene from 'Matrix 3 – the revolution', where in last scene, agent Smith asks Neo, ” Why Mr. Anderson, why?”
Neo says, “Because I chose!”
I guess Vikram’s Neo would say - “Because I made the choice!”

I wonder what I would like to be called on my new planet? Probably I’d like to be called “Considerate Possibility”. Yes, my name is “Considerate Possibility” and this is my best buddy "the choice". What’s your name?

Help! I have fallen in love

There are millions people out there and it all comes down to one; you are messed up!
There is so much pain, so much suffering! And there is no end to that. Trust me I have been through all this and eventually got the real picture, thankfully very early in my life.

What can you do, you are in love with someone who does not love you back?

Let’s see, what is this thing that makes people mad; makes them do crazy things. What is love? It’s just attraction. I know you might be thinking, I’d talk about all that mushy things – love is divine and all that. The literature, movies, songs and things like these…they are to blame for all the lies about love we’ve been taught.

You are in love with someone – that’s nothing to do with your destiny or any sort of divine act. It simply means that the person triggers attraction in you either by consciously doing something or by naturally possessing some character/physical traits. Love is truly just attraction; it’s people who have made it Santa Claus.

Love/attraction works like drug. In fact, when you feel attraction something happens inside your body; it does something to your body, and your mind is helpless. Your mind just warns you through perceiving the symptoms- helplessness, restlessness, anxiety…

What can you do when you are in love someone who does not love you back?

If you are in love with a person, it means that (s) he triggers attraction in you. And if (s) he is not in love with you, it’s not her/his fault or (s) he is not heartless. It simply means that you don’t trigger attraction in her/him.

There is nothing you can do to make the person love you back, except you can trigger attraction in her/him too.

Running behind the person or boring your friends and family with your sad love story or listening to Kishore Kumar sad songs with scotch or for that matter with desi hooch in a closed room is not going to help you. Stupid people do that. They spent money, time and energy and nothing happens.

There is this general belief that if your love is true, you’d get the person in your life eventually. That’s obviously wrong. I’d say that’s 24 carets BS. Because if you feel attraction for someone even at spiritual level does not mean the person would too feel same level of attraction or even feel attraction at all.

There are 2 things people do when they are in love with a person who does not love them back -
1. They start chasing her/him everywhere; they start begging for her/his love. Nothing happens. At most they get sympathy of the person, that’s it.

You might have heard someone saying “(S) he really loves me but just because her/his parents were against our relationship, (s) he went with the other guy…(s) he really loves me…even now”. I’d say you have an illusion. Truth is you could not create enough attraction. And note here – that’s ok; that’s not your fault and not even hers/his. But having this stupid thought “blah blah…(s) he still loves me…blah blah” is going to hold you back. Let it go.

2. They do not do anything for they believe if we are meant to be together we’d be together. For this type of people I’d blame movies like Serendipity.

However there is this third thing you can do- ACT. Yes work on acts that trigger attraction. Do something that creates attraction, because once you too are able to create attraction the other person would also feel same way; there is nothing his/her mind can do to deny this. And that’s the only way probably you can find your love.

Acts to create attraction:

What are these acts? An act could be anything that creates attraction and it totally depends on individual you are targeting.

With time everything changes. So changed the acts that create attraction. Here are few acts that were used to create attraction in olden time:

1. Guys used to write letters in blood to their beloved and the heartless ladies would fall in love instantly. [This is very old and now women would consider you psycho if you try this. And above all if you try this I am not responsible ]

2. Writing poetry was one of the acts that people used for creating attraction.

3. Misery- Devdas types were successfully able to win ladies heart. [Neither would I recommend this.]

Likewise there are 1000’s of acts to create attraction both in women and men. With changing time, these acts have to change too. Now if you try these old acts they would not have any affect on women/men with few exceptions of course. So go out there and find your acts.

Let’s say there is this average looking girl, who never gets compliments from anyone, would feel attraction if you flatter her with compliments, the condition here is you should make her believe that you are truly moved by her beauty or any of her physical or character traits.

[And that’s the reason I’d say – always go for a woman/man you hopelessly feel attracted to. Because that way, you’d never ask this question – “Is (s) he really worth trying this hard?” And whatever you do/say would come from deep within your heart. You’d not have to fake it. You try so hard that it looks like you don't try at all. Remember Neo from movie Matrix - during his training he's wondering if Morpheous can teach him how to dodge bullets and eventually he comes to a point where he does not have to dodge bullets - he stops them.]

Same act (flattering her with compliments) would not create attraction in a gorgeous woman. Because she’s used to listening compliments, she could see compliments in people’s eyes even when they are merely looking at her. She’s totally aware of her beauty. You say anything about it, she’s aware of it already and that’s not going to trigger attraction.

So question here is what would trigger attraction in her? It could be something that she’s not used to. It could be something you do or say that creates a doubt in her belief or it could be something that shakes her conviction. Or something very playful.

These are just examples that you can try with on occasions, there would be 1000′s of occasions, and you have to come up with equal number of acts. Herculean task, right?

Well, I’d prefer trying these acts rather than boring my friends and family with my sad love story or listening to Kishore Kumar sad songs with desi daaru in a closed room. The choice is yours!!

What if it doesn’t work no matter how hard you try?

The answer is simple – MOVE ON. There are lots of beautiful/handsome girls/guys out there; they are many who’d not be able to resist your acts.

You are bound to fail with few of the women/men you really feel attracted to, no matter how hard you would try your acts on. But you should not allow you to be held back with those failure, because if you do so you’d loose your chances with the one actually gonna be with you. Sorry If I sounded like marketing guy kinda talking about lead-deal stuff. But this is the sordid fact my friends. So if it’s not working- move on. I remember a dialogue from movie Hyderabad Blues- “Dil pe mat le yaar, haath mein le” [Don't take to heart, take control.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

PS:
*The question is not “Is there a ball you can hit middle stump with?”
There is always a ball that would hit the middle stump of any batsman. [This is what I have explained here.]

The question is to find whether it’s Yorker, Dusara or Bouncer for the one you are bowling to. [That’s what YOU need to find.]

And if you could not find the right ball, have patience come again with new over; you never know this could take away the stumps. [Keep trying.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Women want YOU to figure out what they LIKE; they want YOU to do it for them.

What do women really want?
This has been the most sought after question for men from all over the world for forever.

Google “Sir Gawain and the Lady Ragnell” and you’d find this awesome story about King Arthur & a witch Ragnell. I would not put the story here, please Google it and read, it’s one of the most read stories on internet ever.

“What do women really want?” The answer given by the witch in the story is “They want to be in charge of their own life.” I read this story long back during my College time and was totally convinced that this is the most correct answer possible anyone would ever get.

If you ask me the same question today, I’d say – it was truer in last decade of 20^th century than it is today.

In Indian context, 90’s brought a storm of changes that completely changed our way of thinking, doing things, even living. I am referring Science-Technology, Computer-IT here. And the most influential change that took place or rather took huge quantum jump was Women’s Empowerment. Late 90’s was time; Women’s Empowerment in India was at its peak. Just an FYI – The Government of India declared 2001 as the Year of Women’s Empowerment (Swashakti).

Today’s women, at least urban Indian women, don’t WANT to be in charge of their own life; because they know that they ARE in charge of their lives. They have got all the freedom in the world – socially, financially; they are in charge of their lives more than they ever were.

So “what is it that they want now?” The straight answer might be – Nothing!
Is it this simple?
.
Story 1:
BM asks the girl out. He asks her what she would like to do on a date. After many “I don’t know”’s. She tells that she’d like to watch movie “Jerry Maguire” in “Four Squire” theatre at Senapati Bapat road and later would like to have dinner at New Yorker at JM road. Women really know what they want!! Her favorite Actor’s movie, her favorite theatre, her favorite food and her favorite restaurant!

Well now BM has everything that he needs to know. He just needs to let her be in charge of this date. Guess what? The date goes exactly as it is meant to be. After dinner BM drops her at her place. Later BM calls up his best friend cum girl’s room mate and ask about the response that she got from the girl.

“He is nice and I had good time” is the response that she gets from the girl.
–
What’s wrong here? He did exactly what she wants. And all he got is “He is nice…” It’s almost equal to “Thank You Bhai sahab!”
–

Story 2:
BM asks the girl out. He picks her from her place. She – ‘where are we going?’ BM- ‘Let’s see.’ She is a little annoyed. She- ‘Why are we heading towards Swargate-Katraj road? I don’t like that road – it’s bumpy and moreover there is nothing exciting that side.’ BM just looks at her, smiles and shrugs his shoulder in ‘let’s see’ notion.

After long ride on Banglore-Pune highway, they reach at Balaji temple. She is a little annoyed that he has brought her at temple. BM doesn’t say her anything. She decides her own to take a visit of Lord Balaji. He stays outside temple [for BM doesn’t get along with God very well.] She does her pooja paath, comes back with Prasadam and gives him a lecture on how weird he is for not going inside the temple.

They ride another couple of miles along Banglore-Pune highway and then take right towards valley. BM clicks a couple of her photos along. They go a little further and they have small huts surrounded by those rose fields – red, pink, white, yellow roses. He stops the bike and she is like ‘what do you want to do here?’

BM sees this red rose field some 100 meters from where they are standing; there is this guy, supposedly owner of the field, some 100 meters from the field to other side. BM looks at field; the owner looks at BM. They know what’s on the cards.

Men are very intuitive when it comes to competition or marking territory [not the way dogs mark their territory ;) ] They understand each other without saying a word. She doesn’t have any idea? BM runs towards the field and the owner runs towards field too from other side. They both have almost same distance to accomplish their missions. Now she gets the idea what are these men up to.

Any way BM beats owner by 20 meters. BM leaves there a Rs.50 note with Mr. Gandhi smiling on it, thinking the rose field owner would have similar smile when he would find it later. BM starts bike back to city.

During whole journey back to city, she is giving him lecture on what he did was not right; he would have been caught and things could have gotten nasty. He can get a rose from flower shop for Rs.20.

By 7 PM they are back in city. BM takes her to PPDP (paani puri dahi puri) at Bharati back market. He lets her pay. They have ice-cream after PPDP, she wanted ice cream. She pays the exact amount. He drops her at her place and comes back to his apartment.

BM’s best friend cum girl’s room mate calls him “What have you done to her? She’s gone mad. She has converted whole apartment into dance floor cum play ground.”
–
She doesn’t want to ride bike on a bumpy road. She doesn’t want to be with a guy who steals or creates unnecessary conflicts. She doesn’t want a guy who lets her pay.
But she liked everything or at least whole package.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Women might not LIKE what they WANT.

“Women want YOU to figure out what they LIKE; they want YOU to do it for them.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I’d never get an advice from a woman on approaching women or about dating. It’s not that she’d give me a wrong advice. She’d tell me exactly what she expects/wants from a guy. And by doing this she’d actually do her best to help me. But unfortunately, that’s perfect recipe for disaster, especially if woman I am approaching is really attractive. Because attractive women are used to of getting what they want; everybody is running around them to fulfill their wish.

It’s not about what she SHOULD like. It’s about what she actually likes.

In our real life, there are 1000′s of things that should work a particular way but they don’t. Government should do this…Traffic Police should do that…Postman should do this…Neighbors should do that… And we do almost everything considering the way these things actually work and we never take a single step considering the way they SHOULD work. That’s exactly we need to think and do when it comes to dealing with women. Do what works with them and never bother about what should work.

If we come out of this SHOULD BE world and focus on what works with women, things would be a lot easier!