That was not supposed to make any difference

Well that Friday after office, I went to her office to pick her up. My God she is looking gorgeous. I kind of started falling for her – fatal attraction! I cursed those photons reflecting from her body and striking on my retina causing a surge of drugs inside me. I thought – if I let me fall for her, I’d start behaving like all those 100’s of guys who’d be following her all the time. And once I fall into that category, the game is over! The best possible thing would happen, I’d become her best friend. I had to rearrange my acts.

I assumed that she’d be very protective putting a lot of walls of ego or for simple reason that she’s gorgeous. I decided I have to break at least one such wall today, only to realize later that there ain’t any wall and yet I had to resist that deadly attraction. My condition was like I am high on weed – one moment I put all my focus on something and things are totally in control; another moment I loose my focus and I am loosing all the control. She was much more challenging than women showing their ‘hard to get’ attitude in the worst way.

We had drink and food at Filling Station. And I went to drop her at her apartment and she invited me in. I normally don’t go to girls’ apartment. But this time I went in.

She got some Ramdev Baba drink – something like lauki ka juice, the secret ingredient of her awesome attracting trait, I guess – I hate that! And I did not know I started drinking the juice and the ‘let-me-know-you’ talk started. I repeated all my acts mentally and was all game for talk. I don’t lie ever! May be I just don’t tell the facts early.

10 minutes: I have given her lots of information about me. I repeated all my acts. I am not giving a single fact about me anymore.

30 Minutes: All my college days secrets are no more secrets with her. What’s happening to me? I repeated all my acts again. I pledged if I share another fact about me, I would leave.

40 Minutes: I actually decided to leave. If I see this woman again I’m going to fall for her – I hate that. I’d loose everything; I’ve lost almost everything already. Whatever acts are left I have to pull them together, leave now and never see her again. I got up to leave, but she did not let me. We kept talking.

50 Minutes: Somehow I came in total control mode and was very happy – I have awesome mental strength. But somewhere I hated myself for the person I was for last 40 minutes. She offered me some more Ramdev Baba drink; this time I politely declined for I was totally in control. I finally decided to leave and just shook hands even though she was kind of offering me a hug – who knows she might infect me again. She came down with me till the society gate. During this whole journey from her apartment to the society gate, I was congratulating myself for finally coming out clean and not falling for her.

Before I started my bike, she started going back towards the lift. I don’t know why but I was looking at her walking back. She turned back smiling and waving. That was not supposed to make any difference to me…but it did. Sh!t!

Becoming the guy women like to be with

Approaching women or even starting conversation with them could be tough thing to do for a normal nice guy. The reasons for this are lack of confidence with women and fear of rejection – she might not like me. What kind of guy women like to be with?

Here are few basic things to work on-
1. Get an I-NEVER-get-embarrassed attitude:
A very rare many of guys have this attitude naturally. However with some work any one can acquire this. To get this attitude you need to work on yourself. Once you get this attitude, it would give you ultimate powerful confidence and you’d never hesitate to approach any women, even attractive ones.

This could be backbone of your confidence. You should be the guy who never (literally) get embarrassed. Yes, especially in front of a woman. Personally I use humor as a tool to come out of any embarrassing situation. I have gone though the worst of embarrassing scenarios mentally and prepared a humorous response for each one of the scenarios. I have tested some of them in real scenarios – sometime intentionally creating such scenarios. You can try humor. There could be other ways to get this attitude. So find your way of getting this attitude.

2. Maintain hygiene:
This is something that most of the guys suck big time at. Women in general maintain good hygiene and for the obvious reason they like men who maintain hygiene. And moreover by maintaining good hygiene, you’d start feeling good about yourself, which in turn would boost your confidence.

3. Be a good dresser:
Even if you are a socially-bankrupt-bald-headed-beer-belly guy, if you are a good dresser you still have chance with ladies. Good dressing is powerful and gives a message that you are a high status guy. You remember “the complete man” Raymond ad. Yes, women like men who dress well; and for that matter everybody likes you if you have good dressing sense. Good dresses cost as much as bad ones – be wise.

4. Become ‘fun to be with’ guy:
Attractive women don’t want to be with just good looking guys, they want to be with a guy who is happening. Here I don’t suggest you to be comedian. Be someone that they can speculate and look forward to have fun with. Being nice predictable guys would not help. They have dozens of nice-predictable guys hitting on them all the time.

Personally, every time I approach a woman, I carry this “fun-to-be-with-guy” attitude. In reality, I have really awesome life and a woman would like to be with me, just because she would want to add more fun to it and to be a part of it. She’d not be with me because my life is boring and it would be interesting only if SHE brings fun to it – well, women do not do charity of this kind.

5. Have unshakable conviction for whatever you do:
If you are not proud of what you do, you are not proud of yourself and in turn, no one would be proud of you. Why an attractive woman would hang out with a guy who is not proud of what he does or is.

Conviction is powerful! Conviction for doing things; conviction for taking every step, it should be unshakable. And it’s cumulative, every new thing you would do, the chances are that you’d be even more convinced. Conviction gives a message that you don’t need any one’s approval. Isn’t it powerful? I personally believe that conviction is something that makes a man a real man. My unshakable conviction in everything I do is my shining armor!

******************************************************************************
Now you are a fun-to-be-with-guy with unshakable conviction, who maintains hygiene, dresses well and does not get embarrassed in any situation. Tell me, what kind of woman would not like to be with you!
******************************************************************************

PS:

Even getting PhD in these things would not guarantee you success with some women. Well, do not give up. There are other kind of interesting women out there waiting for a fun-to-be-with guy, don’t disappoint them!

Quantum Mechanics of Mind-Body

Heisenberg Uncertainty principle - The more precisely the position(x) of some particle is determined, the less precisely its momentum (p) can be known, and vice versa.

σ_xσ_{p ≥} ħ/2

Although this is a theory of Quantum Mechanics, it is true for our mind-body relation.

Body tends to be inertia all the time and mind is in motion all the time - wandering. Our body can be very fast for a very short time but can not sustain that for longer period where as our mind can be stopped from wandering for few seconds but can not be stopped for longer period.

When our body goes through an excessive strain, we come in a state where we loose our mind. And when we are highly focused we loose even sense of position or direction i.e. we loose our body.

If we assume body is position (x) and mind is momentum (p), Uncertainty principle holds good here too.

 

My name is Considerate Possibility!

If you were to be sent on a planet where- 1. there is no one to teach you how to lead a good life and 2. there are no books or movies. The condition is- you have to leave everything you have learnt so far here on earth and you can carry only two words with you. Which 2 words would you choose? I would choose ’Possibility’ & ‘Consideration’!

Yes, my favorite words are – ‘Possibility’ and ‘Consideration’. I find them very powerful! With these two words I can derive everything that would help me leading a good life, if not a very successful one.

‘Possibility’ would drive me to try every thing that I otherwise do here on earth and ‘Consideration’ would inspire me to think about others. And I think if we all do just this, we can lead a good life.

Sometime back, I was talking to my best buddy Vikram on phone and he started talks with “KK, I found my 2 favorite words” – ‘Choice’ and ‘The’. I was like “’Choice’ is awesome but how could possibly ‘The’ be one of your favorite words?”

He explained me the word ‘The’ putting a scene from movie 'Kung Fu Panda' where Tai Lung says to Panda – “How could you be dragon warrior? You are a big fat panda.” To this Panda says “I am not a big fat panda. I am ‘The‘ big fat Panda”.

I wonder how powerful these words could be together – ‘The Choice’.

I think of a scene from 'Matrix 3 – the revolution', where in last scene, agent Smith asks Neo, ” Why Mr. Anderson, why?”
Neo says, “Because I chose!”
I guess Vikram’s Neo would say - “Because I made the choice!”

I wonder what I would like to be called on my new planet? Probably I’d like to be called “Considerate Possibility”. Yes, my name is “Considerate Possibility” and this is my best buddy "the choice". What’s your name?

Help! I have fallen in love

There are millions people out there and it all comes down to one; you are messed up!
There is so much pain, so much suffering! And there is no end to that. Trust me I have been through all this and eventually got the real picture, thankfully very early in my life.

What can you do, you are in love with someone who does not love you back?

Let’s see, what is this thing that makes people mad; makes them do crazy things. What is love? It’s just attraction. I know you might be thinking, I’d talk about all that mushy things – love is divine and all that. The literature, movies, songs and things like these…they are to blame for all the lies about love we’ve been taught.

You are in love with someone – that’s nothing to do with your destiny or any sort of divine act. It simply means that the person triggers attraction in you either by consciously doing something or by naturally possessing some character/physical traits. Love is truly just attraction; it’s people who have made it Santa Claus.

Love/attraction works like drug. In fact, when you feel attraction something happens inside your body; it does something to your body, and your mind is helpless. Your mind just warns you through perceiving the symptoms- helplessness, restlessness, anxiety…

What can you do when you are in love someone who does not love you back?

If you are in love with a person, it means that (s) he triggers attraction in you. And if (s) he is not in love with you, it’s not her/his fault or (s) he is not heartless. It simply means that you don’t trigger attraction in her/him.

There is nothing you can do to make the person love you back, except you can trigger attraction in her/him too.

Running behind the person or boring your friends and family with your sad love story or listening to Kishore Kumar sad songs with scotch or for that matter with desi hooch in a closed room is not going to help you. Stupid people do that. They spent money, time and energy and nothing happens.

There is this general belief that if your love is true, you’d get the person in your life eventually. That’s obviously wrong. I’d say that’s 24 carets BS. Because if you feel attraction for someone even at spiritual level does not mean the person would too feel same level of attraction or even feel attraction at all.

There are 2 things people do when they are in love with a person who does not love them back -
1. They start chasing her/him everywhere; they start begging for her/his love. Nothing happens. At most they get sympathy of the person, that’s it.

You might have heard someone saying “(S) he really loves me but just because her/his parents were against our relationship, (s) he went with the other guy…(s) he really loves me…even now”. I’d say you have an illusion. Truth is you could not create enough attraction. And note here – that’s ok; that’s not your fault and not even hers/his. But having this stupid thought “blah blah…(s) he still loves me…blah blah” is going to hold you back. Let it go.

2. They do not do anything for they believe if we are meant to be together we’d be together. For this type of people I’d blame movies like Serendipity.

However there is this third thing you can do- ACT. Yes work on acts that trigger attraction. Do something that creates attraction, because once you too are able to create attraction the other person would also feel same way; there is nothing his/her mind can do to deny this. And that’s the only way probably you can find your love.

Acts to create attraction:

What are these acts? An act could be anything that creates attraction and it totally depends on individual you are targeting.

With time everything changes. So changed the acts that create attraction. Here are few acts that were used to create attraction in olden time:

1. Guys used to write letters in blood to their beloved and the heartless ladies would fall in love instantly. [This is very old and now women would consider you psycho if you try this. And above all if you try this I am not responsible ]

2. Writing poetry was one of the acts that people used for creating attraction.

3. Misery- Devdas types were successfully able to win ladies heart. [Neither would I recommend this.]

Likewise there are 1000’s of acts to create attraction both in women and men. With changing time, these acts have to change too. Now if you try these old acts they would not have any affect on women/men with few exceptions of course. So go out there and find your acts.

Let’s say there is this average looking girl, who never gets compliments from anyone, would feel attraction if you flatter her with compliments, the condition here is you should make her believe that you are truly moved by her beauty or any of her physical or character traits.

[And that’s the reason I’d say – always go for a woman/man you hopelessly feel attracted to. Because that way, you’d never ask this question – “Is (s) he really worth trying this hard?” And whatever you do/say would come from deep within your heart. You’d not have to fake it. You try so hard that it looks like you don't try at all. Remember Neo from movie Matrix - during his training he's wondering if Morpheous can teach him how to dodge bullets and eventually he comes to a point where he does not have to dodge bullets - he stops them.]

Same act (flattering her with compliments) would not create attraction in a gorgeous woman. Because she’s used to listening compliments, she could see compliments in people’s eyes even when they are merely looking at her. She’s totally aware of her beauty. You say anything about it, she’s aware of it already and that’s not going to trigger attraction.

So question here is what would trigger attraction in her? It could be something that she’s not used to. It could be something you do or say that creates a doubt in her belief or it could be something that shakes her conviction. Or something very playful.

These are just examples that you can try with on occasions, there would be 1000′s of occasions, and you have to come up with equal number of acts. Herculean task, right?

Well, I’d prefer trying these acts rather than boring my friends and family with my sad love story or listening to Kishore Kumar sad songs with desi daaru in a closed room. The choice is yours!!

What if it doesn’t work no matter how hard you try?

The answer is simple – MOVE ON. There are lots of beautiful/handsome girls/guys out there; they are many who’d not be able to resist your acts.

You are bound to fail with few of the women/men you really feel attracted to, no matter how hard you would try your acts on. But you should not allow you to be held back with those failure, because if you do so you’d loose your chances with the one actually gonna be with you. Sorry If I sounded like marketing guy kinda talking about lead-deal stuff. But this is the sordid fact my friends. So if it’s not working- move on. I remember a dialogue from movie Hyderabad Blues- “Dil pe mat le yaar, haath mein le” [Don't take to heart, take control.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

PS:
*The question is not “Is there a ball you can hit middle stump with?”
There is always a ball that would hit the middle stump of any batsman. [This is what I have explained here.]

The question is to find whether it’s Yorker, Dusara or Bouncer for the one you are bowling to. [That’s what YOU need to find.]

And if you could not find the right ball, have patience come again with new over; you never know this could take away the stumps. [Keep trying.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Women want YOU to figure out what they LIKE; they want YOU to do it for them.

What do women really want?
This has been the most sought after question for men from all over the world for forever.

Google “Sir Gawain and the Lady Ragnell” and you’d find this awesome story about King Arthur & a witch Ragnell. I would not put the story here, please Google it and read, it’s one of the most read stories on internet ever.

“What do women really want?” The answer given by the witch in the story is “They want to be in charge of their own life.” I read this story long back during my College time and was totally convinced that this is the most correct answer possible anyone would ever get.

If you ask me the same question today, I’d say – it was truer in last decade of 20^th century than it is today.

In Indian context, 90’s brought a storm of changes that completely changed our way of thinking, doing things, even living. I am referring Science-Technology, Computer-IT here. And the most influential change that took place or rather took huge quantum jump was Women’s Empowerment. Late 90’s was time; Women’s Empowerment in India was at its peak. Just an FYI – The Government of India declared 2001 as the Year of Women’s Empowerment (Swashakti).

Today’s women, at least urban Indian women, don’t WANT to be in charge of their own life; because they know that they ARE in charge of their lives. They have got all the freedom in the world – socially, financially; they are in charge of their lives more than they ever were.

So “what is it that they want now?” The straight answer might be – Nothing!
Is it this simple?
.
Story 1:
BM asks the girl out. He asks her what she would like to do on a date. After many “I don’t know”’s. She tells that she’d like to watch movie “Jerry Maguire” in “Four Squire” theatre at Senapati Bapat road and later would like to have dinner at New Yorker at JM road. Women really know what they want!! Her favorite Actor’s movie, her favorite theatre, her favorite food and her favorite restaurant!

Well now BM has everything that he needs to know. He just needs to let her be in charge of this date. Guess what? The date goes exactly as it is meant to be. After dinner BM drops her at her place. Later BM calls up his best friend cum girl’s room mate and ask about the response that she got from the girl.

“He is nice and I had good time” is the response that she gets from the girl.
–
What’s wrong here? He did exactly what she wants. And all he got is “He is nice…” It’s almost equal to “Thank You Bhai sahab!”
–

Story 2:
BM asks the girl out. He picks her from her place. She – ‘where are we going?’ BM- ‘Let’s see.’ She is a little annoyed. She- ‘Why are we heading towards Swargate-Katraj road? I don’t like that road – it’s bumpy and moreover there is nothing exciting that side.’ BM just looks at her, smiles and shrugs his shoulder in ‘let’s see’ notion.

After long ride on Banglore-Pune highway, they reach at Balaji temple. She is a little annoyed that he has brought her at temple. BM doesn’t say her anything. She decides her own to take a visit of Lord Balaji. He stays outside temple [for BM doesn’t get along with God very well.] She does her pooja paath, comes back with Prasadam and gives him a lecture on how weird he is for not going inside the temple.

They ride another couple of miles along Banglore-Pune highway and then take right towards valley. BM clicks a couple of her photos along. They go a little further and they have small huts surrounded by those rose fields – red, pink, white, yellow roses. He stops the bike and she is like ‘what do you want to do here?’

BM sees this red rose field some 100 meters from where they are standing; there is this guy, supposedly owner of the field, some 100 meters from the field to other side. BM looks at field; the owner looks at BM. They know what’s on the cards.

Men are very intuitive when it comes to competition or marking territory [not the way dogs mark their territory ;) ] They understand each other without saying a word. She doesn’t have any idea? BM runs towards the field and the owner runs towards field too from other side. They both have almost same distance to accomplish their missions. Now she gets the idea what are these men up to.

Any way BM beats owner by 20 meters. BM leaves there a Rs.50 note with Mr. Gandhi smiling on it, thinking the rose field owner would have similar smile when he would find it later. BM starts bike back to city.

During whole journey back to city, she is giving him lecture on what he did was not right; he would have been caught and things could have gotten nasty. He can get a rose from flower shop for Rs.20.

By 7 PM they are back in city. BM takes her to PPDP (paani puri dahi puri) at Bharati back market. He lets her pay. They have ice-cream after PPDP, she wanted ice cream. She pays the exact amount. He drops her at her place and comes back to his apartment.

BM’s best friend cum girl’s room mate calls him “What have you done to her? She’s gone mad. She has converted whole apartment into dance floor cum play ground.”
–
She doesn’t want to ride bike on a bumpy road. She doesn’t want to be with a guy who steals or creates unnecessary conflicts. She doesn’t want a guy who lets her pay.
But she liked everything or at least whole package.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Women might not LIKE what they WANT.

“Women want YOU to figure out what they LIKE; they want YOU to do it for them.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I’d never get an advice from a woman on approaching women or about dating. It’s not that she’d give me a wrong advice. She’d tell me exactly what she expects/wants from a guy. And by doing this she’d actually do her best to help me. But unfortunately, that’s perfect recipe for disaster, especially if woman I am approaching is really attractive. Because attractive women are used to of getting what they want; everybody is running around them to fulfill their wish.

It’s not about what she SHOULD like. It’s about what she actually likes.

In our real life, there are 1000′s of things that should work a particular way but they don’t. Government should do this…Traffic Police should do that…Postman should do this…Neighbors should do that… And we do almost everything considering the way these things actually work and we never take a single step considering the way they SHOULD work. That’s exactly we need to think and do when it comes to dealing with women. Do what works with them and never bother about what should work.

If we come out of this SHOULD BE world and focus on what works with women, things would be a lot easier!

The woman, the man & rest of us!

So we have 3 characters here –

‘W’ = the woman, an attractive woman.
‘M’ = the man, not a mirror cracking material but neat & clean, maintains good hygiene & wears good cloth if not designer ones.
‘O’ = rest of us guys.

‘W’ & ’M’ met at ATM last Tuesday and ’M’ got her cell number.
['O'- the b@$t@^d got lucky.]
How did he get her number? Let’s assume here that ’M’ somehow got ‘W’s number – to make the story short.

Friday evening ‘M’ calls up ‘W’ ['W' – who is this? …oh is that guy I met at the ATM? …he seemed interesting but all of them sound interesting at first only to be found loser or pushy or plain jerk later…hmm but what I would loose if I talk to him for a second, he is a little different I guess…] and ’W' takes the call just a second before it was to be missed.

‘M’ –
Hey I am going to this restaurant for dinner and they say they serve really tasty food over there.
['W'– oh so he wants to ask me out. I am not going out with a guy I just met at ATM. Hmm… | 'O'– you don’t talk to girl like this. Just come to the point idiot…ask her out…God she is hot!].

So kinda thought you might wanna have something yummy with some of the tastiest conversations this weekend. ['W' – my mom prepares the tastiest food…like in the whole world. What do you think? Just because you’d buy me dinner I would go out with you? No chance…by the way what’s he is gonna talk about? | 'W'- she is not interested in your BS buddy]

‘W’ –
Hey hi! Thanks for asking but …hmm… I have plans with my friend this weekend.
['W' – great! this was meant to happen if you talk like jerk]

‘M’ –
That’s ok. I am busy next 2 weekends – my family is coming here for 2 weeks.
['W' – so what? Next 2 weeks he is gonna spend with his family…hmm I don’t know he seems nice but how could possibly I go out with a guy I just met at ATM for 2 minutes… | 'O' – she is not bothered about your schedule @$$h0!e]

By the way the food over there is worth trying and I thought if you don’t like the food I’ll pay for the food and you can pay for the talks.
['W' – he sounds kinda weird. What is he up to? …I gave my number to him…so what? I gave my number to him doesn’t mean I have to go out with him. | 'O' – stop it, you are screwing your chances with her forever]

And if food is really good you are lucky! You can pay for both.
['W' – haha he is something…interesting. | 'O' – have you lost it? Be a gentleman]

Any way you have plans this weekend so I guess I get to enjoy my dinner this weekend peacefully with my friends.
['W'- hmm... he’d go out with his friends? so what? I should not go out with a guy I met at ATM for 2 minute…actually I gave my number to him…hmm…but at least he is not pushy. Hmm let me think… | 'O' – of course she is not going with you jerk!]

You have great time with your friends. Bye!
['W'- …hmm…he is not pushy at all. | 'O'- looks like she has a boy friend.]

‘M’ disconnects the phone.

['W'- …hmm…]
['W'- …hmm…]
['W'- …hmm…]

30 minutes later W’ takes out her phone ['W'-hmm…] and dials ‘M’s number.
‘W’-
Hey….

Dealing with personal INSECURITIES

How to deal with your own personal INSECURITIES

The context here is when you are with people. This post is basically for guys ‘cause women in general are good at this.

Try these 4 steps:

1) Make a list of all the things you’re insecure about.
Put things like “I don’t make a lot of money”, “I don’t drive a nice car”, “I don’t look like Salman Khan/Aishwarya Rai”… whatever.

2) Then spend time accepting each of those things;
things that you can not change about yourself. Accept who you are.
Note here- there are many things that you are insecure about; can be changed / improved. I’d say do not accept them as they are; work on them and make the changes required.

3) Learn to laugh at the things you’re insecure about.
Sense of humor is necessary element…work on it.

4) Tell the fact (depending on the context and situation).
Telling truth is crucial. ’cause I personally believe hiding fact is cheating and that makes me bad person.
***********************************************************************

Example -
Lets say- you are in an interview and the interviewer asks about a paper you flunked in during 2nd year of engineering [Well I flunked in all Electronics papers]. Here is what you might say -

“When I was going though engineering college admission process one of the current student warned me that getting engineering degree from this college is not easy…it takes minimum 6 years for an average student to complete BE here.
I took the challenge that I’d complete BE in 5 years and God! I did wonder! I completed that in 4 years with few repeat papers”

laugh on this and then put the fact right away like “my electronics was not good” or whatever is true reason.

Now, realize that what you are/do is what you are/do, and if they don’t like it, it has nothing to do with YOU. It doesn’t matter. There are lots of good people out there and they would like you for who you are; there are good many opportunities out there you would fit in.

Then imagine another one, and how you’ll respond to it. Go through the entire list. Learn to laugh at the things you’re insecure about.
***********************************************************************

Here is another example. I was very insecure about my color when I was kid*. I was thinking people would judge me because of my dark color.

*till 7th grade. After 7th many girls, boys started hanging around with me and eventually I came out of that insecurity.

Well, now if a person asks me about my color (obviously only a jerk would ask you that; my girlfriend’s brother asked me that once ;) ), I would just laugh and tell the person –
“Yes I am dark and very photogenic…anyway women go crazy for dark men”
and probably I’d show that person my photo with my beautiful girlfriend – latest one…and…I mean latest photo and not latest girlfriend ;)
I would care less what the person thinks about me.

Take the time to really think through all the areas of your life that you are “insecure” about, and work out your issues around those areas.

I think this could be a GREAT first step towards building confidence with people.

***********************************************************************

PS: 1. This post has borrowed some material from the talks I had with my best buddy Vikram about few of his individual counseling sessions.
2. Step 2 has been suggested by many selfhelp program speakers/gurus.

You wanna go through it all over again!

You are a man/woman with principles.
You ONLY do this and don’t do THAT.
You are balanced, confident, assertive, choosy….
You are somebody!
You are happy! At least you think you are.
Life is going on with a smooth pace.

Someone comes in your life.
You are happier. Full of life!
You are really happy!
Your life is full of bangs (!)!
Life starts going with a faster pace.

Someday the person is leaving you.
You break all the principles to stop him/her.
You can do ANYTHING to stop him/her.
You are seen as clown.
Life is at stake.

The person doesn’t stop.
All the rules of life have been broken.
The confidence is gone.
You feel like looser.
You are really sad.
Life has stopped for you.

              .

              .

              .

              .

And given you choice you still want to go through it all over again!

And you meet God

Disclaimer: This post proposes a new theory of God, it might offend you.

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There is an old saying-

Allah meharbaan toh gadaha pahalwan! [Even a donkey can be mighty by the grace of God]

God usually refers to either the single deity in monotheism or one of the plural deities in polytheism. God is often conceived of as the supernatural creator and overseer of humans and the universe.

Countless arguments have been proposed in attempt to prove the existence of God. There are many philosophical issues concerning the existence of God.

Some definitions of God are sometimes nonspecific, while other definitions can be self-contradictory.

Then we have atheism. Atheism is the rejection or absence of belief that any deities exist.

Above lines are taken from Wikipedia. My belief in God has not been constant*.

When I was kid, I had a picture (similar to the one my mom used to worship on Thursdays) of Goddess Gayatri in my mind. I had complete faith in her – that she’ll protect me and my family from all the evils. There was no doubt about that.

I grew up and came to city from my small village. I was a teenager in high school and that’s when I saw human suffering, corruption, crime, injustice, disease closely; I started questioning my faith in God.

There were many similar phases where my Gods or rather my faith in God kept on changing*.  I believed in one theory and later came across a better theory and that process continued. And I am still open for new theories.

Anyway I went to college, travelled across county, interacted with people from different faith, religion; read 10’s of books on religion and science. I stayed away from family, totally independent for more than half of my life. And the latest theory that I believe in is here -

The theory:
There are two kind of interaction that you participate in throughout your life.

One is interaction between you and rest of the world. There is second kind of interaction where you interact with yourself and in this interaction, your faith, belief are formed.

In this second kind of interaction you actually interact with your Master. Here, by your master I do not mean the almighty God, as we believe or taught to believe, who did things related to Genesis creation and all. By your Master I mean - the part of you; your inner voice that tells you good things from bad.

This second kind of interaction – between you and your Master, is crucial when you have conflict; crisis or you are not sure what to do in a particular difficult situation.

Your Master is other self of you who tells you what’s wrong and what’s not. When you do something that your Master wants, your Master becomes stronger. And next time when your Master tells you to do something, chances becomes high that you’d follow Him and in turn your Master becomes stronger. It’s cumulative. The more you follow your Master, your Master becomes stronger.

When you are in dilemma, a part of you (your heart or mind) tells one thing (constructive**) and other part of you tells other way (destructive**). There are two things that you do-

1. You follow the constructive part of you and you make your Master constructive and destructive part of you becomes week. You keep following constructive part and you have a constructive Master and destructive part of you dies.

2. You follow the destructive part of you and you make your Master destructive and constructive part becomes week. You keep following destructive part and you have a destructive Master and constructive part of you dies. When Nietzsche said ‘God is dead’, I think he meant this. He meant people have started following their destructive self and constructive part in them is dead.

There is 3^rd scenario where you sometime follow the constructive part of you and other time you follow the destructive part of you and so you have a weak Master.

I believe our Masters are our Gods. Everyone of us has our own Masters; our God. There is no God out there anywhere. We all have our Gods inside us. We make our Masters strong or weak. We create our Masters and we make our Masters, almighty!


Should not the saying be as my friend Vikram puts it–
Gadaha meharbaan toh Allah pehlwan. [God gets strength from His follower]

I hope, one day you’d meet your God!

* I’ll write a separate post on this; probably with title – ‘Evolution of my God’.
** What is constructive or destructive, that also you get to decide.

Horn Ok Please: HOPping to Conclusions – not a book review

Disclaimer: This is not a book review. Read it (this post or the book) at your own risk. This (again I mean this post or the book) is only for fun.

**********************************************************************************************
I read this book last week. Yes I was vella for the day!

I’d directly come to the point. Here are my recommendations-

1. For Boys and Girls under 18:
Please wait till you become eligible to exercise your adult franchise to choose a government only to scold it later and make several other similar mistakes. In short  wait till you become 18.

2. For Boys above 18:

You should read it for it'll enhance your sense of humor and in turn it'll increase your GPI (Girl Patao Index) and probably enhance your chances of you getting Leh’d. (Author keeps on using  this word in the book)

3. For Girls above 18:

You can enjoy it too for it’ll make you laugh (I know even you have sense humor. Sarcasm is your speciality.). Please refrain from reading this if you do not like ‘F’ word ‘cause the book is full of that and similar words of the F word family; probably more than they have used ‘F’ word in movie Pulp Fiction.

4. For those who hates reading books and do not come under category 1 above:

This one is especially for you. ‘Cause this is very light and full of masalas. After reading this book you might start reading.
Note: I used to come under this category but after reading this, I fall under category 2.

5. For editorial lovers:

You can just read the ‘HOPping Conclusions’ part (will take only an hour) of the book skipping rest of the book and still enjoy it.

6. For those who does not like the book or this post:

Please do not kill me. You can investigate the matter - “When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”

God and the Holocaust

Sometime back my niece (she’s in 9th grade) and I were having discussion about world war I & II. And all of sudden she asked me if there is/was a God.

I did not expect this question from her. I asked her how do you define God?
To her, God is a supreme power who looks after good over bad.

I did not know what to reply and I did not exactly understand the context.
So I asked her that why she is asking about God when we’are discussing history here.

To this, she tells – “Six million European Jews – over one million Jewish children, two million Jewish women and three million Jewish men, were killed after long inhuman torture.” History is her favorite subject. She was talking about The Holocaust.
She continued “Where was God then? Why did not (s)he listens to prayers of those million people. There were dozens of assassination attempts on Adolf Hitler. (S)he’d have made one of them successful and perhaps some of them would have lived.”

I did not know the answer to her question and till now I do not.
I do not know if I really believe in God anymore.

All I need is a simple answer to a simple question – why God, if (s)he really exists, did not do anything when 6 million people were being tortured & killed.

PS: It's merely questioning existence of God or belief in God, the way we question ourselves; the way we question authorities, the way we questions our teachers and the way we question our loved ones.

She didn't give up

There are a couple of big celebrities/personalities I consider inspiring. For example Nelson Mandela. I like him for what he did and that I can never imagine I'd do - he forgave people (white) who put him prison for long 27 years when he came into power!

But mostly I get ispired from people in my real life.

A girl from my team, now ex-teammate:
We were working on same project. And we were supposed to learn how a spufi (SQL Using File Input) works and run it for some data preparation. We got knowledge transfer from one of the senior teammates. Luckily I managed to work with the spufi and somehow she did not get it. In all 6 phases of testing, she'd come to me and try to learn how that spufi works, I'd explain her and she'd go and try on her system and she'd tell me it's not happening. I'd then go to her system or from my system I'd do it for her. This went till last phase of testing in every phase without fail. I was patient throuout and morever it was my duty to make her understand that. At last I thought stupid girl she'll never get it.

And finally one friday our application went live. Same day later she came to me - "KK I can do this. It's working". She took me to her system and showed me that. And I was like - what's the use now when application is live already. It's useless now. Probably it might be usefull when we have any CR for the same application in future, that's it!

I started thinking about the entire time in project; about how she ate my head all the time; in fact I made an opinion that she is dumb. But there was an inspiring thing in this whole story - "She didn't give up!"

A different way to show love

After struggling through my engineering - having failed in few subjects and getting just pass marks in various other subjects, I finally got placed in an MNC. I was very excited. Excited for the thought that now I'd be PAID for the work I'd do, for the thought that I'd be paying tax and contributing to the growth of the country. You can not imagine how happy I was! It was something very exciting for a boy from a remote village, for a boy who never read Dhruv, Nagraj...comics until engineering, for a boy who never watched TV because there was electricity in the village and so there was no TV...

Well I booked tatkal ticket for home. I reached home in the evening after 41 hours of journey and my mother opened the door and I broke the big news to her. She just hugged me. There would never be a great joy for a mother than seeing her son standing on his own feet. I went inside and told my father the big news. He smiled casually and congratulated me and that's it - no hugging, no big hahaha you did it or I am proud of you or something more emotional. I was simply disapointed. I could not get angry on him for I always had great respect for him and the way he respected my every decision. But I did not get it.

I had food and went to sleep but could not sleep. The excitement of 'getting PAID for the work I'd do, for the thought that I'd be paying tax and contributing to the growth of the country' was gone.

For a couple of days I observed my father is behaving a little different. He never orders us for anything ever. He'd just put an statment like for instance he wants any of us to get vegetable from our farm he'd say - "If we could get some tomotoes from Gainda*" and not like "Pappu go get some tomatoes" or something like that. But since I have arrived home he's complaining and scolding me for everything I am doing. Like 'this is not time to read news paper', 'Communists are no good' if I am talking something good about communism, and things like that. And I started to think if I have done something really bad. I mean I just cracked interview of one of the best MNC in our country, is it bad? I was totally tensed- what has happened to father.

Next morning I was having breakfast and my mother was sitting there in case I needed another helping. I could not stop me with complaining about father's behavior in last couple of days; since I have arrived home. I never complained about my father even in my thought. But I could not resist complaining this time - "Mother, why father is behaving so differently?".
To this my mother started smiling - "He is very happy and very proud of you! That's why".

And then I started thinking about my childhood. I was very close to my father right since my childhood. I would always have dinner with him; in fact the dinner would be served for both of us in the same plates. He'd be sitting in a single position having food and I'd change my sitting position with every niwala and every interesting thing he'd say. We'd talk about various things over dinner.

I started thinking all the ocassions during my childhood when I had done something really good like - getting highest marks in school when I was in 8th standard, coming 2nd in a quiz where most of the participants were graduates or post graduates when I was in 9th grade, my article got published in news paper when I was in 9th grade, I topped the math quiz.

Every time the behavior of father was like this. But then I was kid and was very much involved with so many things and never noticed it.

And now I see the pattern. I discovered a different way to show love!

*Gainda is the name of the farm nearest to our house. Ye we have name for each of land peice that we have like - Baluapar, RamratanBhaiWala- for it was bought from Ram Ratan bhai by my grandfather

You're beautiful as you feel

Then people gonna treat you better

You're gonna find, yes you will

That you're beautiful, you're beautiful

You're beautiful as you feel!

[Few lines from a great soundtrack by Carole King. I was watching 'The man from earth']

What I forgot was I was his child

There were things that I never did in front of my father 'cause I thought it would be childish.

What I forgot was I was his child.

Cross the bridge and you'd know the story

The boy is scared of crossing the bridge. The renter is a little ahead on the bridge and writes something on paper puts it on the railings of bridge and walks further. The boy runs to paper and reads it; it says "If you cross the bridge I'll tell you my story". The boy crosses the bridge and ...
[Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close]

You want to know the story? Cross the bridge!

Life leaves marks to guide you...and if it doesn't...leave yours.

Life leaves marks to guide you...and if it doesn't...leave yours.

It's just a thought that came to my mind...I was watching "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close".

Better Monkeys

Story 1: [My friend Vikram came up with this story]
Monkey & Apple: [Three hundred thousands years ago something like this would have happened.]
A monkey was standing on a branch of a tree looking at an apple fruit. The fruit looks beautiful, so much beautiful that he has never seen an apple like this one!

To reach there and get the apple fruit he has to take the longest jump of his life. He is thinking how tasty it would be. How proud he’d be to have it.

He takes the jump of his life and gets the apple. Every other monkey is looking at him wondering how delicious the apple would be for he put his life on stake for it.

He is holding the apple in his hand and looking at it. Something happens; something comes in his mind and he simply gives the apple to another monkey.

This is something extra-ordinary; it never has happened in history of monkeys that a monkey
has given his hard earned fruit to another monkey.
End of Monkey and Apple story.
***********************************************************************
Story 2:
Phenomenon: [Movie]
The children (Al & Glory) realize that George has returned there (Lace’s house) to die, they are
emotionally overwhelmed and the boy runs off across the yard, his younger sister following.

George goes to them, and comforts them. He is holding an apple and says:
“No matter what, an apple will rot and decay if thrown on the ground, but if they were to take a bite out of it, the apple would become a part of them, and they would carry it with them forever.”
End of scene.
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Story 3:
Mr Kaushal comes to Mr Kumar’s house: [today]
Mr Kumar requests Mr Kaushal to sit on sofa. Both sit on sofa and are chatting.
Mr Kumar asks Mr Kaushal if he would like tea or coffee.
End of story.
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• Were monkeys really our ancestors?
• Does it matter if they really were?
• What did the other monkey do when he got the apple?
• Did the other monkey took a bite out of it?
• Why does Mr Kumar ask whether Mr Kaushal would like tea or coffee?
• Did Mr Kaushal household not have tea or coffee?
• Did Mr Kumar not let the apple get rotten?
• Is Mr Kumar a Better Monkey?
• Are we all not just better monkeys?
• Don’t we still need many things to learn?

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An attempt to connect dots (through fictional stories) of social behavior & mental evolution in human.
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The summary:
There are many character traits that we human might have got as a result evolutionary process, there are many more we are yet to learn and since we need to learn many such traits we are still in the process of evolution; we are not yet human but just better monkeys.
.
* Through 3 fictional stories, here I have put evolution of one of the many character traits – Sharing!

**Sharing here is a subset of all character traits that we human have; all character traits of human are a subset of human social behavior and mental evolution; and human social behavior and mental evolution is further a subset of overall human evolution process.

*** You see here I have spoken about a very microscopic part of evolution through 3 fictional stories. There is possibility of millions of such parts that we are still not aware of; we need to discover them and practice them and evolve ourselves even more – become even better monkey.
.
The take away from this post :
When we experience such a trait we need to learn it and give chance to others to learn the trait and that way we’d become even better monkeys.
.
E.g. long back my friend (Vikram, listening to him talk is like swimming in gyan ganga, literally!!) saw one of the Japanese clients showing his ID card to security guard by putting his guest ID card in his hand as if he is going to offer something to God.
It seemed very peculiar to my friend. Later my friend asked the Japanese client why he showed his ID card like that. To that he replied, “Holding my ID card does 2 things –
1. I am giving respect to me.
2. it’s convenient for security guard to see it properly and makes his job easier and in turn it sends
a message to the security guard that I respect his job, his identity and above all I respect him as person.
Ok, now how am I giving respect to me? The guest ID card that I have got is not just a piece of paper and plastic; it’s my identity; it’s me. How can I not respect myself? I do that by holding my ID card as if it’s something as precious as me.”
(This was ‘discovery’ part for my friend).
.
This was something extra ordinary for my friend. So he learnt it from the Japanese client and he started practicing it (This was ‘taking a bite’ part for my friend).

Many of his friends including me saw him doing that and many of them asked him why he does that and he explained them the same (This was ‘not letting the apple get rotten’ part).

Later I observed a good many of our friends have started practicing the same (I saw ‘better monkeys’; they were more evolved monkeys).
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