That was not supposed to make any difference

Well that Friday after office, I went to her office to pick her up. My God she is looking gorgeous. I kind of started falling for her – fatal attraction! I cursed those photons reflecting from her body and striking on my retina causing a surge of drugs inside me. I thought – if I let me fall for her, I’d start behaving like all those 100’s of guys who’d be following her all the time. And once I fall into that category, the game is over! The best possible thing would happen, I’d become her best friend. I had to rearrange my acts.

I assumed that she’d be very protective putting a lot of walls of ego or for simple reason that she’s gorgeous. I decided I have to break at least one such wall today, only to realize later that there ain’t any wall and yet I had to resist that deadly attraction. My condition was like I am high on weed – one moment I put all my focus on something and things are totally in control; another moment I loose my focus and I am loosing all the control. She was much more challenging than women showing their ‘hard to get’ attitude in the worst way.

We had drink and food at Filling Station. And I went to drop her at her apartment and she invited me in. I normally don’t go to girls’ apartment. But this time I went in.

She got some Ramdev Baba drink – something like lauki ka juice, the secret ingredient of her awesome attracting trait, I guess – I hate that! And I did not know I started drinking the juice and the ‘let-me-know-you’ talk started. I repeated all my acts mentally and was all game for talk. I don’t lie ever! May be I just don’t tell the facts early.

10 minutes: I have given her lots of information about me. I repeated all my acts. I am not giving a single fact about me anymore.

30 Minutes: All my college days secrets are no more secrets with her. What’s happening to me? I repeated all my acts again. I pledged if I share another fact about me, I would leave.

40 Minutes: I actually decided to leave. If I see this woman again I’m going to fall for her – I hate that. I’d loose everything; I’ve lost almost everything already. Whatever acts are left I have to pull them together, leave now and never see her again. I got up to leave, but she did not let me. We kept talking.

50 Minutes: Somehow I came in total control mode and was very happy – I have awesome mental strength. But somewhere I hated myself for the person I was for last 40 minutes. She offered me some more Ramdev Baba drink; this time I politely declined for I was totally in control. I finally decided to leave and just shook hands even though she was kind of offering me a hug – who knows she might infect me again. She came down with me till the society gate. During this whole journey from her apartment to the society gate, I was congratulating myself for finally coming out clean and not falling for her.

Before I started my bike, she started going back towards the lift. I don’t know why but I was looking at her walking back. She turned back smiling and waving. That was not supposed to make any difference to me…but it did. Sh!t!